People say things like that all the time…”if this house could talk” or “the walls have ears”. But, today as I stood in my house for the last time, I could hear my house talk. Really!
It was like each room had recorded conversations and was playing them back in my head. Please tell me I’m not the only one that this happens to!
I’ve said goodbye to many houses. But none like this one. This isn’t just any other house. It was the house Clint dreamed of being in his whole life. He was so excited when he found it! We were going to fix it up and live in it until we died. Little did we know that would actually happen to one of us just 6 short months later. He didn’t even get to experience all the seasons there.
I wish I could bottle up all the conversations I heard as I walked through the rooms today. I know I will never have this moment back again. I’m going to try and journal all my thoughts before they’re lost forever. But, there is something about standing in a quiet room and listening. Really listening!
One of my most favorite memories was of our hot tub. It came with the house. We had never had one before and Clint loved going out as often as he could, even if for just 15 min, to enjoy the night sky as he sat there in the hot, bubbly water drinking his blueberry tea. I wish I could remember the exact conversations we had but I don’t. The memories are enough though.
I remember watching my 13 year old son mow the 5 acres by himself after his daddy died and being so thankful for him, yet sad that he had to grow up so fast.
I remember my 15 year old daughter playing the guitar and singing as I listened to her through the vents.
I remember my oldest daughter and her husband coming over to make crepes for us one Sunday after church.
I remember my other daughter and her husband having to come over to my house in the middle of the night. It was only the second time I’d ever had to sleep in my house alone…in my whole life! I got spooked and felt too afraid to check the house out. So I called them in the middle of the night to please come rescue me. It’s embarrassing but it happened and they were so gracious!!
I remember specific conversations with friends that came over after Clint passed, bringing us dinner.
I remember my new husband working so hard hanging Christmas lights. I have many, many memories of him working hard to fix something he never asked to “inherit” just because he loves us so well!
I remember so many things! I worry I will forget because I won’t have the house to go back to anymore to remember and listen. And that makes me feel so sad.
As Jorel and I were headed to leave after spending some time just standing their listening in the quiet, one more visible memory caught my eye. My oldest daughter painted this on our door that leads outside.
I wanted to never leave the house without remembering to “Go light my world”! With everything that has happened…all that I have been forced to let go of in this life, my daughter’s handwriting and that saying causes me to remember the most important thing of all…to love others and do my best to live this life God has given me! And…I want to live it WELL!
That’s the only thing, for me, worth aspiring to!
As we drove down the lane, away from the house, I could still see it in my side view mirror through my tears. I’ve been hearing the Lord whisper the same thing to me over and over the last 2 years and I heard it again in that moment. “Don’t look back, you’re not going that way.”
And, that’s a reminder to me to continue living in the moment. If I am constantly looking back, I will never appreciate what is now. Then when “now” is gone, I will be needing to look back at what was, that I couldn’t seem to enjoy at the time, because at that time, I was still looking back. If I do that, I’ll forever be in a game of “catch up” and never fully enjoying what God has in front of me right this very minute!
My house did indeed “speak” to me today. It provided me with more memories and emotions and lessons than I’ve ever experienced in one place. I am sad to see it go yet so thankful it is gone, because it was time and what was best for me and my family. I try very hard to hold my hand open for what God has for me and what He is telling me is time to let go of. I say it a lot, but this world is not my home. I am just passing through! I’m so thankful for the love and memories along the way!