Oh, Sunday…try as I might, you sneak up on me…. nearly Every. Single. Week!
I miss his phone calls before I was even out of the house to head to church — “Hey Darlin’, could you pick up more coffee cups?” or “Hey Babe, so and so would like a ride to church…would you be able to pick them up?” or “Shelly, I forgot a certain item at the office for the sermon. Would you mind picking that up for me before heading over?”.
I miss the look of relief on his face when he would see me enter the church with said person or item he was needing.
I miss the hug that said, “Hello, I’m so glad you’re here because we are a team and in this together”.
I miss holding hands during worship. First, because we loved each other and second, because we loved showing others what working at your marriage could look like!
I miss hearing him sing! He had an amazing voice with a country flare.
I miss watching him worship our Savior and see him express his love for Him through that!
I miss seeing his face light up when someone walked through the doors of the church that we hadn’t seen in a while, weren’t expecting, or had never been there before!
I miss discussing his sermons with him before anyone else ever got the chance to hear what God had laid on his heart!
I miss watching him grow in that new role as a minister of the gospel.
I miss hearing him laugh his famous laugh, as he said something funny and cracked himself and everyone else up!
I miss seeing him pray for and with people.
I miss sitting next to him for lunch as we got to know another family in our church better.
I miss the regularity of Sundays. Church, lunch, then home for a nap…almost without fail for 24 years!
I miss the regularity of the unexpected, following the nap. Would we go on a Sunday drive to nowhere, hike, go out for ice cream, ride bikes, drive the go-cart, or visit family? Another of his favorite things was to go walk down at the marina. We were looking at purchasing a used boat. He loved to walk around looking at the other boats, feed the fish, and grab an ice cream while there.
I miss the late night runs to the grocery because we had no idea what we were going to eat and nothing we had sounded good to him 😉
I miss running into 50 million people we knew before we left the store and it taking (what felt like hours) to get out of there and actually make dinner!
I miss the 10pm dinners because we had gotten home so late from the grocery store!
I miss creative meals he made on those days — fancy fruit salad; steak topped with feta cheese; some fancy salad with steak; fondue; or whatever else his creative mind could concoct.
Triggers…they hit when I least expect them, but Sunday has become a pretty sure bet. I’m not sure when Sunday and I will be friends with each other again but I desire to live in thankfulness for what I had, trust the Lord to morph it into a new day with new possibilities, and the courage to keep facing it no matter what! I try to stay in that place of thankfulness, especially as I am learning that thankfulness seems to be the only way to steer clear of depression (only speaking for myself). But, the sureness of the day for the last 24 years, leaves me struggling nearly every week. It stands as the weekly reminder that this world is NOT my home! How thankful I am that this is not all there is!! Life with Jesus for all eternity is truly beyond our imagination! But, I can imagine enough…and I long for the day when my faith will be given sight!
What are your triggers? Find someone to tell them about today. I find it helps to speak what is troubling me and it usually helps someone else feel less alone. We all too often are tempted to think we are the only ones struggling in this world. But it’s just not true!
John 16:33 ~ “These things I have spoken to you, that in Me (Jesus) you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.”