Anyone who has lost someone close to them unexpectedly will know the absolute trauma, disbelief, and fog that washes over you.  You’re brain cannot even begin to fathom what has just transpired!

As I sat outside Clint’s room praying for a miracle, hoping for some good news, terrified at all that was transpiring right in front of my eyes, I felt as if all that I believed was going to be put to the test!  I looked in my daughter, Lexi’s eyes, and said, “I can’t do this!!  I can’t!!”  All of my children are incredible blessings to me, but in that moment, God had Lexi directly in front of me, eyes locked on to mine, and she assured me that we could do ANYTHING God brought us to!  And, as I look back on that day, I KNEW..I KNEW that EVERYTHING Clint and I, but mainly myself personally, had EVER believed, was about to be put to the test!!  I have not been wrong!!

I had full intentions that dreary Monday the 13th, to have a private conversation with my children about what could be coming when they arrived at the hospital, but, that was not to be either. My youngest two were completely in the dark about where this could all be going.  As we all stood outside of Clint’s hospital room, I assured them that no matter what, God IS good and we would not back down from what we believe! They were with me on that…even if they were too stunned at the time to even remember later what I said or hear me at the moment of saying it.

I don’t remember much of that day, November 13, 2017, after we said “goodbye for now”, but I remember coming home, going to our bedroom, and turning on my music.  I couldn’t tell you if I had ever heard the song I posted on facebook before or not, but it was for me in that moment and has become one of my main songs in this new chapter of my life!

[Verse 1]
There is good news
There is good truth
That you could never change
No matter what you do
You are loved
More than you know
More than you could hope for
After everything you’ve done

[Chorus]
As sure as the sun will rise
And chase away the night
His mercy will not end
His mercy will not end

[Verse 2]
There is good news
There’s a promise
That no matter where you go
You will never be alone
In the dark
In the doubting
When you can’t feel anything
O His love remains the same

[Chorus]
As sure as the sun will rise
And chase away the night
His mercy will not end

[Bridge]
Even through the night
Ohh…
Silver stars will shine
Hope of glory’s light
That will wake us once again

[Chorus]
As sure as; the sun will rise
And chase away the night
As sure as the sun; will rise
His mercy will not end
His mercy will not end

You see, I was already having to preach to myself God’s love for me.  Tell myself TRUTH when everything around me was screaming that God had left me/us!